In this industry and just in general I always see and hear people promoting self-love. We often see people taking selfies, going on trips, purchasing new clothes, shoes, bags, extravagant restaurants, etc... proudly posting their photos to their social media while engaging in such activities, with a caption that reads something like "loving me," or self-love is the best love," or "I love me." And while all of those things can certainly contribute to self-love, I'd like to draw your attention to something else. I actually love taking selfies, posting pictures and sharing the highlights of my life with my social media family, however THAT'S not necessarily self-love. While it may LOOK like it, it's actually not. While it may even FEEL good at the time, I hate to say... that's not it. I want to challenge you to consider what REAL self-love is.
The definition of self-love: REGARD FOR ONE'S OWN WELL BEING AND HAPPINESS. (Oxford Languages)
Self -love is more about being AWARE of who you are and what truly causes happiness in your life. I want to take this even further and add that true self love is also CHANGING behaviors that you've developed & grown accustomed to that bring about self-harm. You know, those things that you partake in to self-medicate. Those toxic things that you do to ease some undealt with hurt & trauma that happened in your past. What about hanging out with those individuals that are NOT on your level and do not mean you well. How about that toxic trait that you have, saying YES to everything and everyone, not because you genuinely want to do it, but only because you're afraid of their response you if you say no; fearing that they will leave your or no longer like you... so you people please. Those types of people are not for you, BTW.
There is a huge difference in doing things out of love and kindness and doing things out of fear to keep someone else happy at your expense. We are still discussing self-love! Self-love is loving yourself enough to say no when necessary. Loving yourself is saying yes to you when you need to. Loving yourself is recognizing the hurts from your past and actively working on and participating in your own healing journey. Self-love is removing yourself out of situations and circumstances that are relentlessly causing harm to YOU. Self-love is healing. Self-love is taking care of your total and complete well-being; emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and relationally. It's perfectly fine to say no to things that no longer serve you. It's also perfectly fine to say YES to the things that do! If buying that new bag didn't help you HEAL, you're just going to remain broken with a cute new bag. I love new bags, shoes, clothes, etc. too... but my point is, do not make "things" your point of reference when it comes to your "self-love" journey. Healing for real is one of THE BEST THINGS THAT will ever happen to you! Happy healing! Here's to true self love.